“No good deed goes unpunished”
Really! No good deed goes unpunished! this maxim has, and I now truly hope , had always been a Major W.T.F moment whenever I stumbled upon it .. Which to be fair was not an everyday contemplation!
I just assumed that it was one of those sayings of irony. Or even sarcasm which depending on the emotional or intellectual context is more or, less the same thing!.
But the events over the last few weeks and more so with the deciphering of a Dream vision I had just a few nights back and the following events of today and yesterday have made me come to an understanding at a deeper level. A level which I had briefly tasted a few years back but since then, I have been slipping and stumbling on my journey back up the rocky Mountain path.
Yesterday a friend of mine phoned me up, asking me to go and score for him. This friend of mine I had previously fell out with, way back in February. Mostly our friendship consisted around Heroin but we had other things in common, for one we were from the same side of town, two we both played guitar. And three we had both visited each others parents which for any self respecting drug addict is a big thing especially when they are accustomed to falling off the wagon.
The only difference of late materialistically that is, was that this friend had been in a very well paid job for the last two years
So, back in February I had been ill and in an act of semi desperation I phoned him to ask him for a loan of money and not a lot of money, just £20 so could get some food, so as my health, body weight would not get worse. And I could then get the heating on get some fruit and start looking after myself and get better.
So when I phoned Him that cold Sunday morning in February and asked him. Laying my cards on the table as to how I was feeling etc. he said to me, that he could and would but he can’t as there are many people who were owe him.
I said to him I am, not one of those people.. And that I had never asked him for a straight up loan like this before! More so with this predicament of health I was currently in. also the many people he was inferring too they were not of my ilk nor, did I think the ones that he named had as much in common as we did.
Long story short he said no.. and I humbly said ok no problem. But inside I was a bit gutted not 100% as I thought he would decline in-fact I was sure but not 100%. But the optimist I am, (most of the time) remembers little maxims such as “ A friend in need is a friend indeed” but he had refused me when he was in a position not to.
And I thought to myself as I was ending the call that he will no doubt phone me in a month or two asking me to help him score and then I would remind him of this the favour he had declined me when I was desperately in need and ill .. No doubt also run down, as I am now, in a manner of speaking, but without the flu.
So over the next few months he sent me an hello once or twice trying to initiate contact I think I replied to one of the messages with as quick and short a reply, as he had made with his greeting. As I knew from experience this was his round about way of pulling me in by testing the water.
So with my short reply but more importantly delayed one, as then, I was of no use to him as he would of needed someone that moment day/hour .but by just replying cordially it would let him think that we were all good again. And that the phone call I had made to him, asking for his help would be dropped and forgotten about,. He would think and hope if you can class hope in that ( nope! not really, or maybe! )
Well, about a month later after my last F.b message/response, low and behold I receive a direct phone call no messages a straight up call and to be fair I was not, I think having the best of days.
So I answered the call, which would usually and did entail a lot of sideways talk form his end, until usually I finally said “ yeah what can I do for you?”
To which he said “ oh can you score for me a £20 worth? I don’t’ think I even waited for him to insult me with his usual reply, that is to say if I needed a straighter outer myself of “ I will give you a few lines off it” which if you’re a junky, excuse me if, you’re a drug addict, is a big insult. But usually, it is an insult you take because at times you are desperate and a wee bit staves of the illness./ keeps your pecker up for a little while longer !
But sadly, and usually when you are at those kind of levels you, are going to be out getting cash somehow, or strung out, and ill lots and lots of times! As relying on the kindness of a drug addict is like going to your neighbour and asking them to lend you there most treasured possession for a minute or a day!
So back to the story, I sort of lost the plot semi exploding on the phone, recounting how he had snubbed me when I really needed his help. And with a flourish of words I let him stutter a few times and then I just hung up on him.
And within a minute or so i received a text message stating “ Prick! holier than thou is it”
As I think I mentioned In the call I was clean ,well close enough ,on the road to so called recovery!
Which just for point of factuality I called it “so called” as I have/had been on the road/wagon until about three weeks ago.
And for certain reasons my prescription was stopped and the manner it was done in well! All I can say Is this is third or 4th attempt with doctors and the N.h.S behind me, and as always I have had more success when I have gone it alone..
So back to the story of this friend of mine I should explain that we have stopped speaking on several occasions but just like this time we always seem to make up. My younger brother has always thought that my friend was …well, lets just say he doesn’t think to highly of him.
A point that I defended many times to my brother. But yet again my brother has a good sense of character as his own character is also good.. My life has just been more varied, matured like a fine wine that, at the moment is in an old leaky wineskin.
So three days ago ,I am cycling down in to town on one of the main roads and to my left I see my old fore mentioned friend, as I am whizzing past. I see him and at the same time I think he see’s me and he hardens his eyes, as though Growling, Granite eyes!
Quickly I was in two minds to keep going or stop but, I decided to stop.
As I pulled on the brakes and came to a stop, I turned my head to look back up the hill behind me, so to see my old mate but, there were several vans parked which in turn were blocking us, each other out!
So I turned the bike around and after a few spin of the cogs I looked up and saw my old mate who, now was holding his arm up. as though he was about to go into the motion of greeting in so waving his right hand in the air.
I quickly took in his gesticulations and they were of a paucity nature but none the less I had made my move.
As we grew nearer we greeted each other as though old acquaintances. “How’s it going” parlance when in fact, nobody these days! really truly, gives a flying a shit. But that’s a story for another time! For that story has been going on for some time now.. Hey ho! an all
So after we had greeted each other and within a few seconds I said to him, I am actually glad I have seen you as we can clear the air” or words to that effect. “ he looked perplexed.
So I started to remind him of the Phone call. To which he replied I totally forgot about that and I wondered why you had went off on one, that day I phoned you.
Now my friend is not stupid. But as he was still in his bed when I called that day back in February. I decided to let it lie.. Only he knows the truth of that
I asked, “what brings you up to this neck of the woods?”,. We both knew why, but then again you never know 100% He told me that he was away to score but the gear/heroin was poor. I told him that I had been scoring some fairly decent swag! One thing led to another and he asked me to score for him,.. And I said I that I had got a spare 30mins or so and cheekily added you getting one for me .
To which he replied off course as though he knew fine the order of things.. Of which he did but if he could get away with giving you nothing or next to it , he would!
So we headed back up the hill to my house and I then went away to go and score, when I got back we sat and spoke for a 20mins or so, and then I walked him down the road past the place we had just met at 30/40 minutes ago.. During this old reunion he had also asked me if I could get some of the wonder drug for Junkies who are wanting to stop that is if taken right, sorry, drug addicts! so I called a friend who had three left. So leaving all in hand I sped off, as I was in a bit of a rush he said it was good to catch up. And that we would do it again it soon! Cool! Off I went for my dinner .
Later that night he sent me a message saying thanks that he had met my mate and got the “wonder drug”
This is where it get interesting, the next day I am at my community service and earlier in the morning not long after I had woke up I had been thinking that yesterday instead of me taking the bag of heroin I could of actually done with the money £10 to be exact as I was skinto and was not even sure I was going to be receiving any of my fortnightly welfare Money this coming Friday
I had been thinking about what Jesus The Christ had said, about Do not worry about tomorrow, as the worries of today are enough. Rather than worrying about the following days worries. As no person adds a day to there life worrying
And in my infinite laugh out loud wisdom I thought I had hit upon the answer. More so for a person in my predicament, that is to say ,someone who is just surviving on a day to day basis with the odd bit of cash coming in here and there!
And moreover not doing so well, as I was already wondering about how I would be feeding myself with food, not drugs! over the next few days. And I thought to myself in fact I asked God “if only I had that same £10 I could then feed myself and also get more of my Community pay back order done. Of which I had already been called back to court several times for not completing it.
So my thinking was, if I think a day ahead of the next day then, I have no worries for the day I am living in. As the next day, has already been sorted out !as I would have £10 everyday enough for food etc I just needed to get the ball rolling today.
So away I went ,out on my pedal bike and headed for the cemetery where I would be doing the gardens for my COMMUNITUY SERVICE and low and behold at about 2 pm my friend phones me as I had been thinking he may just do and after about 15seconds we are in to the old routine and already he is beating about the bush. So I said what are you needing! “
Well would you mind getting again for me I said ok! as I was thinking about the £10. And that I will keep this £10 and buy food etc for the following day and hence the ball is now rolling Amen!.
So not thinking this all the way through I said I will meet you at my house just after 3pm. “Fine!” we both agreed and I finished my free labour with no food required, nor supplied!
and cycled home to meet him.
When I had just arrived at the top of the hill he phoned and enquired “ where are you?” Just at the top of the hill around from my flat. I said “ok I will come and meet you” he replied . Needless to say I went left and when I looked back I saw he was going to the right I noticed he was also on his bicycle today .
Yesterday he was on foot.
Once we had taken our bikes in And briefly compared them, I asked how much you needing? Thinking/assuming it would be the same as the day before. But, he said “ah!” only a twenty” I said and what about me to which he replied “ I was thinking you could take a couple of lines” ????!! I decided I would go stick the kettle on
I know this guy and this would be two lines, 3 or 4 at the most I said “wow!” “really” with a touch of irony or sarcasm he said yeah I was only wanting to buy a £20 and so for the next couple of minutes a game of cat and mouse and with his trump card he said I can get from somewhere else “ “I said go on then” as I clicked the kettle on.
of course I knew he would not do this as the other person had weaker if I dare say 0,0 on scale .
So after a little bit of deliberating in his mind he said “Go then get 3 X £10 deals. “Ok” I said and so with the kettle on the boil off I went down the hill to my mates who lived not just two minutes away.
When I arrived at this mates house it turned out he only had one left.. But he was waiting to get more he said and in just a little while, as I had asked him when, as we drug addicts can be patient, yet so impatient More the latter by far.
So as I sat wondering in mind what to do wait or go score somewhere else the call my mate had been waiting for came through. So problem solved, I took the one £10 deal – ( in the sky there was a cloud not minutes ago, shaped like a flaccid penis just hanging, which has now just turned in to knee high Boot) – that he had left, an took it back to my house for my friend who had already called to see what the hold up was. As I got home I gave him the deal and I sat down and explained the situation. That would be resolved soon. I.e the other two £10 deals
As I sat there speaking I said to my friend that I could do with the £10 in cash instead of just smoking it.
To which he replied “nah nah” we are smoking it and plus it is mine to give, so he was basically leaving me with no choice also plus I had already ordered the two more that were on there way. I truly was not thinking this all through
So while we waited we spoke about the negativity of this friendship and how it must stop.
Of which we both agreed this would be his and my last day, last day for a drug addict is like tomorrow to the Spanish
So, with that I went off and picked up the other 2x £10 deals.
I had not really thought this through at all, the fact that he might decline me in the manner I wished to dispose of this hard won £10, that I had been thinking about most of the day, that I really needed.
If my brain and being were slightly more in tune then the turn of events might have been different!
When I think back at this moment I remember him on his bike and it dawned he would of, just cycled away without a care in the world after running me the “slave “a few shitty lines.
Thankfully that is not the end of the story! As there is still today the present day and it is now 21.21 pm and I have been writing this for the last few hours easy!
I arrive home after going to my community service but finishing early as I had told the worker in charge I had a dental appointment! (this is lie no1.). I was actually needing to hit the soup kitchen where on wed/thu/Friday morning at a place called the peace house you get a cup of Joe, a bowl of Kellogg’s and sausage and a scrambled eggs.
My community worker said that he had another job elsewhere in the town, so I might as well call it a day at 10.30 as he would be driving about all day..
“Cool” I said as I headed away for my fake dental appointment
After the simple but essential breakfast I cycled up the road and arrived at my house. I took my bike inside and sat down to wait on my friends arrival. But after 5 minutes I decided to wait outside as it was a nice day.
No sooner had I got outside did a taxi drive past, I look in at the passenger seat and saw my friend gesticulating to the taxi driver.
The taxi pulled up just down the street from where I was standing my friend got out he crossed over the road and we greeted each other.
He explained that he was on his lunch break as we headed inside and with that he handed me the cash the same again 3x£10 deals I headed off to my mates down the hill.
This time with a little more thought when I reached my mates I only bought two and put the £10 note in my wallet. Which just for point of interest had been my grandfathers wallet. So with the two deals headed back.
On entering my house I passed the two deals to my friend and told him that it was the last two ( lie no2)
With that he prepared his foil and started to smoke. I sat down and again we spoke about the non merits of the friendship the negativity. This again would be the last day. Also to let you understand for the last 2 days I had been taking the “wonder drug” in the attempt of stopping my habit which had I had been trying to get a grip on for a life time plus the last 3 weeks, with more emphasis on the last 3 days as my supply of the wonder drug was near it’s end!
So after a 20minutes he hailed a chariot to take him back to his work and within a couple of minutes it arrived and he headed back to his work! And leaving myself with my £10 in my wallet.
About half an hour after he left I decided it was time to go into town as I had to go and check the status of my welfare money to make sure I would receive it on the allocated Friday and at the same time I would go in past the pound shop and but some milk and bread and stuff to eat. So just as I was standing on the pavement away to cross the road I see a neighbour who know waliking on up my way. I enquired of him are you going on to town he said “ no I am just going to the shop to get some beers”
“Ok” I said “I was just checking as I am about to go into town and I would of got your fare in, as my plus one on my bus pass” cool take care see you later sort of thing.
So with that I crossed the road and hoped on the next bus.
When I got into town I went an checked the status of my welfare/ giro and all seemed well it would arrive on the said Friday. Then I walked down to the pound shop where I only bought milk two tins of rice pudding and looked at the ham and cheese and thought I will get that later on from the grocers shop up by my house and with that I headed back home with a grand total of £7 pounds left in my wallet.
Now on reaching home and making my self a cup of coffee I cannot for the life of me remember what set my thinking in motion. Maybe it was the fact that I did not spend all the money on food and I knew that I still had £7 left and that I could possibly score a £10 deal for myself .as I had some food for the rest of the day But as soon as that train of though was there it seemed that I might as well go and try and get that £10 deal even though I had taken my “wonder drug” blocker.
So I headed down to my friends house as he would surely let me off with £3 I was short but when I went knocking on his door there was no reply. “Damn!” I thought maybe I should just go home. Aha! Hold on I know someone else who might just let me away with the lack of £3 and take the £7, so off I headed on the brief 5minute walk to her house .
As I reached her house I saw her standing out side with her two dogs which is a rare site but one I thought might be beneficial to my cause, as on her own she might just let me off with the three pounds till the following day. In her house however, I would be surrounded by a “eating your caramel chew in the classroom mentality” all get or none!
So I approached and asked her if she would be able to do it alakazaam she shoot me down with a blamm. She would not. So I left her and thought I will go round to an old friends house and ask him if he will lend me three pounds till Friday.
So I walked round the block headed for the his multi story and pushed his intercom button he answered and I asked him could he lend me three pounds?
He replied sorry this is my poor week which most folk knows around theses parts is away of saying nay when you could say Yay but for reasons unknown says no instead.
Si headed back round to my mates house from where I initially had come from. I am now feeling like a man on a mission. A mission that this man and many other people have no doubt been on.
So on reaching my mates door I knocked and this time he answered he told me he had been out at his community service and had just got back home himself
So I asked him if he would let me off with the £3 and he said he could not. So I put a little bit of pressure on him saying come on dude for three pounds? W.T.F..I even said I would get it later for him (lie no3) but not wanting to fall out with him I left and headed up the road with a last resort on my thought process.
As I explained earlier I saw one of my neighbours from about 6 doors down and I had offered him a bus ride into town if he so wished but as I found out he was only going to the local shop to get some beers.
So as I am heading down the road to his house I remember that I had offered him this opportunity and it was from a clear mind , body and soul with no ulterior motives behind it
Basically meaning that I did not want or hope to gain any thing from this that it was truly just a gesture of good will and intent and purity!
For the love of myself I cannot remember what biblical passage I sort of quoted to myself whilst heading to his front door but it was that made total sense as I had been summing up the days events. I press the bell on the door a minute later the door opens I explain my predicament for the lack of three pounds and he steps inside and pulls out a bag one pound coins he opens it up pulls out three and he says I know what it’s like and he hands me the three pounds I was now needing a lot more than before!.
With now a complete £10 in my pocket again I head back t my mates house that I had left just 5 minutes previously. I knocked on the door, he answered I went in ordered what I had been now nigh on lusting after like a man in a semi frenzy mood I sat down ripped of the foil flattened it out burnt of the excess aluminium smoke and empty the small brown substance and began to smoke!
It is done unto you as you believe. -Matthew 9:29