OPPS…. What An IDIOT
What an Idiot. Three times you drop something or kick your cup of tea over because it was on the floor rather than on the table or, maybe a stressful day at work as you reach for a folder. Maybe someone bumps into you or vice versa as you leave your local (C.A.S) “caffeine addiction station.” “Idiot, idiot, and idiot” you mumble to yourself or say in your head.
Of late, I have been saying idiot a lot of myself, and in the last few months, this has progressed to using the word “Asshole” which inwardly I mentally mutter. Ultimately there is no reason for mentally berating myself with something as trivial as kicking a cup of tea over. But like many, I crucify myself mentally.
If perhaps, It had been a glass of red wine you knocked over on a nice expensive cream carpet that had just been purchased and, it was getting sucked into like an alcoholic, on their third day of withdrawal. Then fair enough, I could understand you saying, whispering idiot, asshole etc. under your breath. But in reality, there is no point, no endearing purpose in these negative mutterings by mentally reprimanding yourself. It has happened and by calling yourself an idiot or asshole, is not going to clean it up or, get the stain out.
Only the action of cleaning the spill will clean it up, and to be calling yourself, an idiot and in some cases a fucking idiot, this actually starts to reinforce, project a negative value from within.
We may even blame the glass or the wonky table or the partner who has not yet got around to fixing the wonky table leg.
The cup or glass is not an idiot nor is it an asshole it cannot be. You may brush this off as a figure of speech, an expressing of emotion and, in the latter, you would be correct! As really, this is a stress in your life, a manifestation of emotional stress that this indicates in the calling yourself an asshole or idiot, just from something as simple as spilling a cup of tea or glass of wine and, in doing so you are actually and very subtly over time reinforcing a lack of worth. This will have an impact on your life and in the lives of those around you.
(There are powers in words; there is power in the way we say words; many of us do not realize the extent of the power that resides within us, from the way we dish out words or the way in which words are received. In some cases, you may leave some famished, starving, destitute or, you may leave a person full up as though they have just tasted the sweetest of puddings or, left them knowing that they have true and faithful friends. Or even though a person of whom you have just met and spoken to lives in a poor part of town you, have left them feeling as though they live in a Palace.
You drop your keys “Fuck sake” you say as you bend down to pick them up. It is only a set of keys no drama but, a “fuck sakes “comes out of your mouth. Now dropping a set of keys down a drain? Now that might warrant “for fuck sake” But it does not warrant “what an idiot” after the fuck sake. Personally, I would use a less forceful word like “Drat” or “Jingobadingo” the latter I just made up. Why? Well to keep it light and add a bit of humour, a little bit of sunshine through the grey clouds so to speak. As it’s not the end of the world and you never know losing your keys for a wee while could have some benefits. It may give you time to clear your mind from whatever situation, the dilemma you may have been rushing home to confront. It may also make you call a friend as you need a place to crash for the night and that friend may just need a friend at that time or, you may just need to see a friendly face. Or maybe you may just need to make a silly word up to put a smile on your face and a giggle in your belly.
If you keep repeating something negative every time something trivial happens then this will have an impact on you and that in turn has an impact on the people you surround yourself with. Especially children, who pick up on these things and will start to use them throughout their life, Negative words will and do have a negative impact.(Fact) I am not saying jump for joy, all I am saying is to try and say nothing; for it is trivial thing especially when you turn on the news and see the state of the World, so why to berate, mentally chastise yourself as that is what you are doing.
You are calling yourself an idiot for the smallest of things and with this over time build’s low esteem.
Just like Schrodinger’s Dog. It hears the bell ring and starts salivating thinking it’s about to get fed and, you/we are feeding our self-esteem. So feed yourself good words or even better feed others with good heartfelt words. Don’t just ring the bell and point and laugh at the silly dog.
If you are stressed by the small things in life, how are you going to deal with the big things that at times come out of the blue? Sometimes berating ourselves for the small accidents that happen in our life is an outlet usually for bigger problems in your life that you may have to look at.
For me personally, it is my current relapse. Yet If I keep calling myself an idiot for small things likes spilling something, dropping my keys or, bumping my wheel on the kerb as I park the car, a bag of shopping bursting. Whatever it is, I am not an idiot. But yet in that moment, as I pick up my shopping or mop the milk up from the kitchen floor this gives me a moment to reflect on possible bigger problems/solutions and there is nothing idiotic about taking a moment to reflect. And mopping is like hovering, there is something therapeutic in it. (Unless it is your full-time job and has been for 30 years! but then again? it is a means to an end, and some people may just like the simplicity of it)
In fact to reflect on your life as it is, with no shine or sheen, just the Nitti gritty that is you actually in repentance, a looking inward in and at your life. To repent is to look within at what has occurred. Not on how you would like it to be but, how it actually was without the twist and turns of your imagination filtering through. But simply on how your day was in reality. Seeing with your mind’s eye as it was but, the mind is so powerful that it drifts off into “oh I wish I had said that or done this instead” but if you relax and play out the day’s events and see yourself as you truly were and as others were then, That is to repent, to rewind the mind, to clear it out, clear out all the cookies and cached data. It is also a discipline and a way of freeing yourself up from the strains and stresses we accumulate daily, weekly, yearly etc.
At first, it may just be for a minute or two that you see the day’s events as they truly happened but if you do it more, it becomes a meditation or I should say the pre-cursor to meditation. As the Chinese proverb goes “how can you fill your cup if your cup is already full?”
So a clearing of your mind, in other words, repent looking back on what you have done with throughout the day. Rewind your mind and then a truer and longer lasting meditation can begin and begin to fill up your cup with good words and good actions ultimately can and will fulfil you in your/our days’ weeks, years and lives to come.
“Live long and prosper” (Spock)